50 Things I learned from Dragon Ball
by heroman45
Summary: Title says it all.
1. 1-10

**50 things I learned from Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z**

AN: Redoing this with small bits for each one on the list divided into 5 chapters so it won't get taken down. Here are 1-10.

**1\. Screaming is the best way to make yourself stronger. **

"This is a Super Saiyan who has ascended past a Super Saiyan, or you can just call it a Super Saiyan 2."

"Ho hum, what a useless transformation. You changed your hair, so what? That still doesn't mean you can defeat my Buu!"

"And this… is to go… even further…beyond! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAAAAAAAAAA! WHA, WHA, YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Huhh, huhh, huhh. Sorry that took so long. This is what I call a Super Saiyan 3."

**2\. Child abuse can be funny.**

"AHHHHH!" Goku ran around and around Roshi's island in terror, an angry blonde chasing behind him with machine guns blazing.

"Get back here you little bastard! I'll teach you a lesson for walking around the house butt naked like that!"

"AHHHHH!"

**3\. Evil space emperors don't know how long 5 minutes is. **

"Just another two minutes monkey, and this fight is over one way or another!"

"But… hasn't it already been 5 minutes? Actually I think we've been at this for over an hour now…"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course it's been 3 minutes. A simple monkey like yourself shouldn't question such things. I know exactly how long a Planet Cold minute is."

"… how long does that translate into for Earth minutes?"

**4\. Slugs can be badass too. **

Android 17 looked around in shock at the hundreds of energy balls surrounding him from all sides.

"Well… shit."

"HELLZONE GRENADE!"

**5\. The bald midget CAN get the hot chick**

"Why'd you wish that bomb out of my chest?" Krillin froze, he hadn't heard that voice in almost a year, and he certainly hadn't expected to hear it anytime soon. The short man turned and looked into the eyes of the blonde android glaring down at him. He mentally suppressed his shudder, it wouldn't do to have her know that he was afraid. He didn't want to anger her to make her leave, not after all this time.

"Because, well, despite the fact that I don't really know you all too well, I care for you." 18 stared at him for a long minute, and his bald scalp slowly became slick with sweat. Finally though, she gave him a small grin.

"Then maybe we can get to know each other a bit better."

**6\. Body swapping is only funny when it happens to someone else.**

"So Kakarot is Ginyu now? And he can't use his full power? What the heck did I do to deserve this?

**7\. Always scream out the name of your attack.**

"Actually Bojack… there is one word that comes to mind. KAMEHAMEHA!"

**8\. Blonde is the strongest hair color.**

"What? What the heck is this? The monkeys only have black hair not blonde! Why did he change?"

"Frieza, now you've done it. Now you've made me angry! YOU'LL PAY!"

**9\. Woman with blue hair like to change their hair style a LOT.**

Approximately 17 actually, one during each time period. Jeez, I mean come on. She changes hair color more than every single other character changes their appearance in the entire series.

**10\. Shape shifting cat beats giant monkey. **

"I got him Yamcha!" Puar moved in behind Goku as she transformed herself into a massive pair of scissors. With a massive snap they closed on the Great Ape's tail, sending the large heap of flesh crashing bloodily to the ground. With a roar the monster lost it's form, shifting back into the small boy from which it came from.


	2. 11-20

50 Things I learned 11-20

I still own nothing

**11\. Little monkey boy beats shape shifting pig. **

"So…can I eat it?"

"You get the services of a shapeshifting magical pig and you want to know if you can eat me? What the heck is wrong with you?"

**12\. You can get really fat on an all water diet. **

"I AM HILARIOUS AND YOU SHALL QUOTE EVERYTHING I SAY!"-TFS

**13\. Death is a revolving door as long as you have a genie dragon. **

"Shenron, please grant us our wish!"

"**DAMN IT, WHICH ONE OF YOU IDIOTS MANAGED TO DIE THIS TIME? IT WAS CHIAOTZU AGAIN WASN'T IT? THAT BRAT HAS MANAGED TO DIE EVEN MORE TIMES THAN YAMCHA!"**

**14\. Even a 300 year old man can still kick a lot of ass. **

"Did… did he just blow up the moon?"

"Aw yeah, how about that ladies? Roshi's still got it!"

**15\. Never give a pervert a shrink ray**

"Aw yeah, come to daddy! Time to stake out the bathroom!"

**16\. Give a pervert a shrink ray if you want to flush him down a toilet. **

"Master… how did you manage to get outside?"

"Shut up Turtle, nobody likes you!"

1**7\. Guns are about as useful in anime as trying to kill someone by blowing bubbles at them. **

"Hey Bulma, that guy just shot me in the face!"

"And you aren't dead yet?!"

"No."

"Are you even hurt at all?"

"It was like a bee sting! OW! Bulma he did it again!"

"Umm, just go… punch him or something, okay Goku?"

**18\. You can be called the Red Ribbon army and never be seen with a single ribbon. **

"You know what, forget it! I'm done trying to organize a standard uniform for you ungrateful bastards, nobody appreciates my hard work! Just wear whatever the hell you want!"

**19\. Japanese to English translators will always screw something up. **

"Hey Vegeta, I have a question."

"As scatterbrained as you are, those are always good to have. Tell me, what has that miniscule amount of brainpower of yours managed to come up with?"

"When we first fought, did you call that big purple laser the Galik Gun or the Garlic Gun?"

"…"

"…?"

"…really? Garlic Gun Kakarot, Garlic Gun. It's conversations like this that make me regret killing Nappa…"

**20\. Using charge time as filler is both stupid and annoying. **

"Get ready Cell, because this attack will be the last thing you ever see!"

"Well let's go then."

"Alright, here I go! RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Come on, do it!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"I said do it!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"DO IT ALREADY!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Ugh, fine then. I'll go get a coffee, I'll be back in half an hour. You can show me this grand attack of yours then."

"Just you wait Cell, in half an hour, you will get to be the first victim of the Final Flash!"

"Yeah, because any other fighters would have gotten bored and walked away by now…"


	3. 21-30

**Things I learned 21-30, I still own nothing. **

**21\. Hell is protected by orcish lifeguards. **

"Umm… hi?"

"Ehh, we are the guards of hell. Would you like to work out with us, or maybe go for a swim?"

**22\. Getting constantly beat up can make you stronger as long as you have hacks. **

"Official Sayian Handbook, page 15, zenkai boost. After any near death experience a Saiyan will adapt and grow more powerful… uh oh."

"Yeah, uh oh. Big Bang Attack!"

**23\. Bubble gum can kill you.**

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

**24\. Even when turned to candy, there is no excuse for not kicking the bad guy's ass.**

"World's strongest Jawbreaker, PIN BALL ATTACK!" Buu let out a helpless cry of rage as what was supposed to be his food chopped more than a dozen holes in his body in less than a second.

"Damn you… change back to normal."

**25\. Even when you are a lying, cheating coward, you can still get the entire planet to adore and worship you. **

"MR. SATAN, MR. SATAN, MR. SATAN, MR. SATAN!"

**26\. Swords get an X10 damage boost against aliens, but are weak against cyborgs.**

"What? This sword sliced through Frieza like butter! How the hell did you break it?"

"That's what you get for buying those cheap factory pressed blades, they never last."

**27\. If you are going to lose, blow yourself up and try to take them with you (make sure that you fail to do so). **

"He blow himself up… to save us all. We can do nothing now but honor his memory as a warrior and-"

"BUUUUUUUUUU!"

"DAMN IT!"

**28\. God is basically just a job title**

Well, Kami was relevant for maybe 3 episodes, King Kai became a glorified long distance cell phone, and the Supreme Kai was about as useful as a third foot.

**29\. Super powerful and useful moves can only be used once unless the main character is the one that uses them.**

SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!  
HELLZONE GRENADE!

LIGHT GRENADE!  
BIG BANG ATTACK!

BURNING ATTACK!

MASENKO HA!

SPIRIT BALL!

…Spirit Ball? The remote control energy ball that doesn't explode, it only hits them like a punch? No one? …yeah, it was pretty lame.

**30\. The best way to kill someone is to blow them the fuck up. **

"The… the Earth. And all the others… they're gone. Buu blew them up… it's all over…"


	4. 31-40

Still own nothing

**31\. The more evil the villain, the longer the monologue.**

"Blah blah blah Prince of all Saiyans blah blah blah true power blah blah STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE!"

**32\. Monolouguing is mandatory for all villains as long as they can speak. **

"Blah blah stupid monkey blah wish for immortality blah blah STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Blah blah Perfection blah blah ultimate warrior blah blah STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Blah blah absorb them blah blah make you candy blah blah STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE!"

**33\. If all a bad guy can do is shout and grunt, then they must do so as much as possible to make up for the lack of monologue. **

"WHOOOOOOO! ME BUU, KILL YOU!"

**34\. Dancing really can bring two people closer together.**

"Ladies and gentlemen, the grim reaper of justice has arrived! It's Gotenks!"

**35\. So can earrings.**

"So what do you get when you cross a Vegeta and a Goku? Vegeto sounds good enough… Now, mind helping me warm up?"

**36\. And pink bubblegum goop.**

"NO! GOHAN!"

"HAHA, it's all over! You have nobody left to fuse with, I win! I'll let you chose, do you want to face me as yourself, or do you want to try your luck with the Namekian or the moronic human?"

**37\. Tails are freaking awesome.**

"What the hell? You have a tail!"

"Yeah, Grandpa said that ever little boy gets a tail and that it falls off when they get older!"

**38\. So are giant gorilla monsters that are created because of said tails with the help of the moon.**

"My…castle. Where the hell did that monkey come from? My wish… I got the Dragon Balls, I summoned Shenron, and all that happened was a pair of panties? RGGGAAAAHHH!"

**39\. All giant monster gorillas should be able to shoot laser beams out of their mouths.**

"NO! BAD GOHAN! STOP BLOWING UP THE MOUNTAIN RANGE YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

**40\. Best way to remove gorilla monster, BLOW UP THE MOON!**

"That's it! The moon! BEGONE!" With a flash the moon vanished, and in a single instant the monkey was gone, replaced by a naked four year old who immediately passed out.


	5. 41-50

**41\. Unless you have amazingly high badass cred, you WILL become irrelevant. **

Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the only two characters who are even remotely relevant in Resurrection of F, Goku and Vegeta! Sure there are a bunch of other guys in there too, but they can't do anything compared to these two, not even Ultimate Gohan is good for anything but stalling.

**42\. Power Levels are bullshit**

Tien says it best in abridged. How else could he smack around Cell like that, or later save Gohan from Buu?

**43\. You can fit a reactor capable of unlimited energy for decade's worth of usage inside of the human body and not be Tony Stark. **

"Huhh…huhhh…huhhh are you seriously… still not…tired yet?"

"Nope."

"Even though… we've been here… for a week straight?"

"Not even a little."

"Best… honeymoon…ever!"

**44\. Gods cannot handle wasabi.**

"GAAAAAH! That's it, I'm going back Earth right now to finish it off!"

**45\. Gods get angry when they don't get jello. **

"BUUUUU!"

"SHARE!"

"NO!"  
"SHARE!"  
"NO!"

"SHARE!"

LICK!

"You bastard. I wanted to taste that pudding, it looked absolutely delicious! Now you are telling me I can't have any at all! I'll destroy you!"

**46\. You know you are a badass when your transformation shakes the entire planet. **

Hercule fell to the ground in a panic as his workout studio shook with such force that it sent every weight he owned scattering across the ground.

"IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!" Miles and miles away, Goku continued to scream.

**47\. You know you are a dumbass when you mock the hair of someone hundreds of times stronger than you.**

"Ahh… uhh… it- it doesn't matter! My Buu will still crush you!"

"Oh yeah? Let's just see."

**48\. Badasses CAN wear pink. **

"WOMAN! WHAT ARE THESE INFERNAL CLOTHES?!"

**49\. Candy made out of people is the best candy. **

"TURN INTO CHOCOLATE!"

**50\. Always, always, always make sure that you remember to DOOOOOOOOODGE! **

Nuff said. 


End file.
